Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Being old doesn't excuse rude remarks

Today I read an interview that really upset me. I know there are many people who admire Iris Apfel. I am not one of them. Her latest remarks in an interview are, in my opinion, just rude and mean.

In a Mail Online interview she said:
"'It seems that the fatter and uglier people are, the fewer clothes they wear. The shorts and flip-flops and tight jeans on butts that go from here to Poughkeepsie. I always say they should put people in jail for wearing clothes like that. Especially stretch jeans over [US] size 10 - they should be outlawed. Ten years ago people were starting to look like slobs in New York, now it's an epidemic."
Not that she would ever intervene on a bad case of misjudged style. 'Oh, now that would be horrible. It's a free country - if you want to look like a freak, that's your problem.'"
I don't think that being 90 years old means that you can make such rude remarks about others. She is entitled to her opinion. I just don't see how such cantankerous words help anyone. Anyway, who made her the arbitrator of who is ugly is who isn't? 

There are many bloggers who are positively trying to show women that there is beauty in different ages, sizes, and ethnicity's. Verbally tearing others down does not make you better than anyone else. What do you think about what she said?

Today I went to purchase a new coat and took my Mother with me. I was having a really good time until I asked my Mother if she wanted to try on a coat.  One of the sales associates said "Oh she will wear yours, that is the way sisters are." This was a compliment to my Mother, but it got to me. Do I look THAT old? It really brought me down. I had been so happy with my purchase and then that remark really took away my joy. After I told her it was my Mother, she said "Well I guess you want to hit me in the head now." I just smiled and left. What would you have done?

Leather jacket with patent snakeskin pattern: Chico's
Blouse: Chico's
Jeans: Dressbarn
Shoes: Pencey
 The jacket is one of my favorites. It never fails to get a compliment when I wear it. It is such a light, soft leather with a really unusual patent snakeskin finish.

Recently, I saw some Cole Haan shoes that had bright colored laces. I fell in love with the look and purchased several bright colors of laces. These are really royal blue and not as turquoise as they look here.

This necklace is one that I purchased at a local boutique, Carla's Love It. The necklace was made by the owner of the boutique, who is quite a talented jewelry maker.



  1. Just love your leopard shoes with the blue shoe laces! Just a little touch, and transformation!
    On the Iris thing, she is from a time when people, even the poorest, took care when they dressed in public. While her biased remarks on size are hurtful, she sees this new current style of casual dressing sloppy.

  2. @fashionoverfifty I agree that people don't dress as nice as they used to. However, I think her message was diluted by her cranky words.

  3. I think Iris was extremely rude! it was uncalled for....some people can't help if they are bigger than a sie 10. I don't mind stretch jeans, it's teh pj bottoms I hate! I guess many people are getting sloppier, they just don't care. I always feel better when I dress 'nicer' but the younger generation doesn't care............
    As for the clerk mistaking your mother for your sister I can see where that would sting....I have been mistaken (a while back) for my daughters sister adn I know she didn't appreciate it. Yup, smile and walk away, what else can a person do???

  4. I would have just smiled and been polite if someone had said that to me, but it would have gotten me down too. I hate when people just assume things like that. I think it's much smarter to keep your thoughts to yourself because you just look stupid when you're wrong, like in this case. I'm sorry she said that and that it bothered you!

  5. There is no excuse for rudeness EVER!
    That sales clerk was way off base making assumptions...
    I cringe when I recall a comment I casually let go when in an elevator about a woman who looked pregnant but wasn't...I still feel the icy stare and I recoil in pain never to repeat such a faux pas again.

    We are human and we do err...
    not making excuses just sayin...

  6. I agree, rudeness is never okay, no matter passionate one feels about a topic. As a people, we have seemed to become much less polite! I would not have responded to the sales clerk, but would have felt stung too. You don't look like your mom's sister! And you do look fab in your animal print shoes and new necklace.

  7. I LOVE that jacket. It looks fantastic with royal blue and I love how you added the laces. You always dress so stylishly, and on-trend but in a classic way.

    RE Iris: I didn't even know who she was until I googled. I agree that people are rather... uncaring? in their dress. I think many people do not have the standards of modesty or appropriateness. People don't need to have the latest styles or "brand names", but I do think people should get DRESSED. I've seen more hoo-haas on a college campus than I care to. (Seriously, I'd take the pj pants over some of what I've seen people not-wear) Just personal preference that I wish people would cover themselves more, but if someone wants to dress how they want - that's their prerogative.

    Re clerk: The sale clerk was waaaay off base. She should have happily assisted your mother, because GOD she should have at least cared about making another sale. Her words were rude and uncalled for regardless of however she viewed either of your ages.

    I know my mom is frequently mistaken in her age, as am I. People are always astounded to find out I'm her daughter, but I also still get charged "student" (under 18) prices for the bus. I think people should mind their own business when it comes to things like someone's age or whether they're pregnant.

    It's not a salesperson's job to delve that much into your life in my opinion. I would have done just as you did, smile and walk off.. but I probably would have also looked somewhere else to shop. I make my statement with where I spend my money.

    Sorry for the novel here!

  8. oh that leopard and blue is amazing! well, honey, sometimes sales ladies say silly ignorant things to make a sale. she was probably complimenting your mother and it was just a misguided remark! NEVER NEVER let someone else take your joy away with their words! This is so much easier said than done! but so worth it when done! love ya, hunnie pie!

  9. I guess I would have responded as you did, just smile and walk away. I get that with my "older" sister and who is younger, etc. I think it is obvious that I am, but I guess not. We each have our own coats too....LOL!

  10. I was interested in what you said about Iris. Amazingly enough, I am not the fondest of her. but I agree that midriff tops and low slung tight jeans sometimes leave a lot of flesh showing that might look better hidden. However you look at it, I don't have room to judge. When I look like I do, putting someone else down is just wrong.

  11. I agree with everyone-there is no excuse for rudeness. And frankly, I don't much care for Iris Apfel's style. I live in a small rural town and people pretty much wear pj bottoms and tee shirts to walmart and the grocery store all the time. I notice, but just make sure I always look nice.
    And as for the comment by the sales person-I've been watching Oprah's life class and here is a paraphrase from one of them-people can no longer hurt you-they only give you their observations and you get to assign meaning to it. So chin up m'girl and don't give any meaning to the sales girl's comment-she probably wasn't even thinking about what she said. You look mah-ve-lus dahling!!!

  12. That is one SHARP outfit, and I love how you added the colored laces!

    I was very disappointed in Iris Apfel's comment. She could have made the point that many people dress like slobs without demonizing anyone's body type or calling people "ugly." Her comment was ugly!

  13. Oh, and regarding the sales clerk, I'd bet she was just trying to be nice to and flatter your mother, in a rather un-thought-out way. I'm sorry that her comment was hurtful to you.

  14. It does seem like some older people lose their social filter and make rude remarks. I hope that doesn't happen to me! As for the sales clerk, she ought to know better than to guess at relationships! My mother and I look a lot alike, too, but we ARE 21 years apart!

  15. Gosh, that sales clerk was clueless, and I'm sure you don't look same as age as your mother!

    As for Iris, her comments are beyond rude. The interview certainly got a lot of attention, including this piece in the Huff Post:

    I like your outfit, especially the shoes with the blue laces.

  16. I'm a little touchy when people start calling out about specific sizes. Believe it or not I put a lot of effort into staying a size 12 and remarks that make it sound like women that size need to be buying two tickets on an airplane tick me off!

    As to the comment to you and your mother... When I was in my late 30s some clerk at a store inquired as to whether I was eligible for the 50+ seniors discount. The clerk was a foreign man and I figure all white people probably look the same to him. I did switch moisturizers.

    Just remember that thin women look older because they've got nothing to fill in their saggy skin!

  17. I will not comment on Iris's comment because I was raised to respect my elders and my comment would not be kind. I will say is subjective!! Everyone has their own view of it and that's what makes it an art form! I adore your jacket. I love the texture of it and the laces in your shoes are awesome! Don't feel bad about the comment. It happens to me all the time with my mom. Instead of getting upset I turn it into positive. The silver lining is that I look like my mom so I will most likely look great at her age!! haha You are beautiful both on the inside and out! Kiah

  18. I had a horrible moment at a carnival. I always thought I looked young for my age, and people (whether they are just being polite or not) agreed. So I thought I would really fool one of those guys that guess your age in the carnival and win one of those fabulous stuffed He actually guessed that I was 3 years OLDER than I really was. Ruined my whole night.

  19. Read your wonderful comment on "A Femme d'Un Certain Age" blog post today and came over to look at your blog. It's great. I'm going to comment on several posts. I agree with Pseu, I think it's very possible that the sales clerk was trying to compliment your mother and was clumsy. As for Iris, when I read that I cringed. Rude and ugly comment, which makes her incredibly unattractive, no matter how great she thinks she is.

  20. Of course you would say that about her. You live in the midwest. I'm 40 and I agree with her. Flip Flops are not acceptable other than at a beach or on a boat. I am a New Yorker and fashion is important here as it is the fashion capital. Every New Yorker makes fun of "mainland" Americans. The majority are obese and badly dressed. Where you live it is dress down not up and then you try to make it ok by criticizing the ones who look better than the rest of you. Who are you to say anything about Ms. Apfel? You are a blogger! You people run your mouths and know nothing of what you are speaking of. You in fact are stating your opinion just like Ms. Apfel. Leave her alone, stay out of NYC. Go to Chicago and eat a fattening meal and wear your flip flops or those dreadful shoes you have on in the pic.

  21. @Anonymous Wow, you really do exemplify the very worst NY stereotype, don't you?

  22. Why is everyone Overreacting to the comment about "fat and ugly". It's not a rude statement about weight issues. It was meant to point out how they dressed in such a sloppy and inappropriate way. Too few clothes to cover the body and too careless and disheveled.

  23. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt