Sunday, January 8, 2012

The dude dissed me & what I wore when he did

I am going to post my outfit photos before I get into the story about the photographer who dissed me. If you don't want to read about it, you won't have to do so.  As to the outfit, I am participating in Visible Monday with Patti at Not Dead Yet Style.
Jacket: Coldwater Creek
Houndstooth Blouse: Foxcroft
Scarf: From Aspen Boutique
Jeans: NYDJ from Zappos
Shoes: Pencey
I have been wearing these jeans way too much this past week. I just love them. There are most likely people who think someone 60 shouldn't wear red jeans, but I sure do like them. They make me feel very visible and happy. I am thinking of getting some cobalt blue colored jeans.

Necklace: Max & Chloe

Bracelets: Yurman
Nail polish: Dark Blue Zoya polish, Tart
 The dude who dissed me was the freelance photographer who taught the Saturday photography workshop I attended. It was a real disappointment as most of the time was spent with him bragging about the beautiful models he had taken photos of and how he was such a great photographer. Some of the pictures he had taken were good and the women were beautiful, but I am thinking that is generally what models are supposed to be.

He decided to set up some strobe lights and umbrellas to impress us with his great knowledge. None of the people in the class wanted to take photos set up like that. All of us were more interested in how to tell a story with our photos, which is what the workshop was supposed to be about. While he was setting up, an attractive, thin, young woman came in thinking that our class was part of the digital arts open house at City Arts. When she realized that it wasn't she left to go look around. He asked which of us would want to be the "model" for his photos. No one else wanted to, so I said I would. I thought I might learn something by having a professional take the photos. 

I stood up in front of the lights and his first remark was that the first picture would probably be really bad. He looked at it and said, yeah, it is really bad. Then he took another and said the lighting wasn't right and asked us to look and see if we could tell what should be done to make it better. In the photo, my hair had washed out into the background. Heck, I had no idea what needed to be done. Then he said, "It is too bad we can't get that other woman back here to model, she was really beautiful." So, then one of the guys went to look for her and brought her back so she could be the model. I was thinking, what the heck? If all you are doing is showing us how lighting changes the picture, why am I not good enough as a model? If you are a professional, shouldn't you be able to make almost anyone look good?

I know I am old, fat, and not beautiful, but to be pushed aside as not good enough to photograph was very hurtful. The photographer wasn't attractive by any means. Until he started talking and bragging, I had not judged him by his looks and probably would not have had he not been so crass. Why is it that even unattractive men think only beautiful, thin, young women have any value?  I wish I was one of those people who could come up with snarky comments on the fly, because if I was I sure would've said something to him! Nah, I wouldn't have, because I am a lady and ladies don't say snarky things to others. (A shout out to Serene at the Elegant Bohemian who may be posting more about what constitutes being a lady.)

Physical beauty fades and is an product of genetics, not something you can take credit for anyway. You can be beautiful on the outside and have a really ugly personality. Thank goodness not every fashion blogger is beautiful. To me the most interesting are those who are creative, intelligent, and kind. The passing time will not take character away from you and that is truly beautiful. 

Sadly, I didn't really learn anything in the class other than I would never ever take another class where he was the teacher.


  1. Debbie--I would have given that instructor a swift knee in the you-know-what. He was an absolute JERK...and it sounds like he doesn't actually know much about photography either.

    Now that I've got that out of my system (not very lady-like), you should absolutely get those cobalt jeans. I love the red ones on you...and the leopard shoes. I've thrifted high and low for a pair of those. No luck.

  2. I hope everyone in the class mentioned to the admin that the teacher didn't teach anything. Yes, if he was such a professional he would have known how to work with the lighting and the color of your hair and how to position you so you'd look better than ever. It is really mean how people diss older, heavier (even normal weight), not so beautiful women. Just b/c you are not 20 and a size 2 does not mean you are not beautiful. BTW if you have the self confidence to wear colored jeans by all means do so! you look great in them.

  3. I commend you for not saying anything...I guess I am less of a lady, because he would have received a piece of my mind. NEVERTHELESS, DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU SAY THAT YOU ARE OLD FAT AND UGLY!! NEVER!! You are none of those things! This guy is obviously a every sense of the not empower him, but writing "I know that I am old, fat and ugly..." You are sweet, mature, and beautiful...he is the one who is ugly and therefore, his opinion does not matter at all! You hold your head up with are strong and dignified. (I wish I could get my hands on him!)

  4. Well, I hope you complain and get your money back.
    Everything you say here is true and sadly probably won't change.
    I am proud of you and all of the other ladies, (young and old) of our little wonderful community.
    You see, this would never happen if you were't brave enough to put yourself out there.
    I say go get them and don't let the snobby bastard's get you down! Sometimes a lady has to do what a lady has to do!
    Still loving those booties!

  5. Did you get a course evaluation questionaire- let him have it!

    He doesn't sound qualified to teach much of anything and was probably just doing the seminar to market his business.

    I hope that this unacceptable experience doesn't sour you on learning more about photography and using visuals to make your points.

  6. What an ass!! I'd complain to whomever is in charge of these courses. That is inexcusable. You look *adorable* in those red jeans! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  7. What an utter jerk. And completely unprofessional, as well as rude. I agree with Rose and Une Femme -- I'd report him through the proper channels as a very poor instructor. Oh, and you look *great* in red jeans - they are like a modern neutral for you, and I think cobalt would be fab too!

    Thanks so much for linking up to Visible Monday : >

  8. Okay...this made me angry! I'm not a lady and I would have done & said some things I would have regretted later. You my dear, is a beautiful, confident, & intelligent lady. Don't ever let anyone (a jerk) bring you down. I admire you for wearing red jeans, leopard shoes & blue polish! I definitely think you should get the cobalt jeans!

  9. Rude, ignorant people like this make my blood boil. I probably would not have spoken up at the time either though. But that guy was HORRIBLE....yes, as Patti says, a jerk. I'm just flabbergasted that he even did that.
    You are lovely woman and a beautiful person. You look great in those red jeans! I recently bought a pair, but I don't feel they're very flattering on me. Maybe the fit is not quite right. I did like them a little better when I tucked them in my boots though. I also bought a pair of cobalt slacks that I'm going to try to wear this week. I think that color would look really nice on you too. You seem to wear bright colors well.

  10. Wow! Just wow! I am flabbergasted! I cannot believe him ... you poor thing. I feel so bad for you -- I have been in that kind of a situation more times than I can remember, and am always left with that sinking feeling of what's wrong with me, and the I should have said this this and this ... But the truth of the matter is that you are beautiful -- we are all beautiful, and it is up to us to carry that with us and within us. We can't let jerks like this define how we feel ... I love your red pants -- I think you look so happy, and I think you should get the cobalt pair (I just got both colors myself! Never would I have dared in a million years to wear colored jeans until I started doing this blog! And I especially love the red laces with your shoes!

  11. What an ass. Excuse the language, but I am not a lady. In fact, friends usually come to me when the snark needs saying. I wish I had been there, I would have bitched him out good.

    You ARE beautiful. Don't let some snotty jerkface get you down. Sounds like he was some hack looking to make money (unless it was a free event) and build his own ego up in front of an audience.

    I love your red jeans. I think they are something than anyone, any age can pull off in an appropriately flattering cut. I love your leather jacket (ok, all your jackets, seriously you've gotten me onto a new obsession), and those leopard shoes.

    I am disgusted at the so called "professional" industry and am happier everyday to be around the real individuals of the fashion blog world.

  12. Debbi,

    What a complete and utter ass that man is. I am sorry you had to be subjected to such awful treatment.

    You are a beautiful woman - please don't let that man convince you otherwise.

    I think your red jeans are fantastic. I wish I could find a pair of red or cobalt jeans in my length. I fear I'll just have to admire yours from afar.

  13. Arrrgggh!!! What a complete jerk. Well, it sounds like he was pretty useless anyway.

    I've had similar disses in the past...when I was a good deal heavier, a photographer who was taking picture of our workstaff told me I should stand in the back because the heavier people should stand in the back. Yes, it was hurtful. Very.

    Consider the source. I love your style--rocking the blue nails, red jeans and leopard-shoes--you rock!

    Cindy at Notes in the Key of Life

  14. sounds like the photographer is really annoying. Well don't sweat it. In my opinion a good photographer must be able to bring out out the best of his subject, not just pretty models. Obviously there's a lot for him to learn. You look fabulous by the way, I like the red jeans (great minds think a like...haha). Looks great with a pair of leopard print shoes and leather jacket. Anyway we don't need to look like models to be beautiful.


  15. What a creep - you are absolutely right - he was supposed to be the professional in the room and should have been able to make you or anyone else look good with his paraphenalia. Well that was really unprofessional behaviour. A true professional would have relished the chance to make a dignified potrait of any human being whatever their age, appearance or size.
    I'm sorry you had to go through that - you've inspired me to submit my last post to Patti's visible Monday because I think it's related to what I have to say and to a post by Terri at RAGS about women and aging - I'm going to link to yours if that's okay.

  16. As my mother-in-law would say, "what a horse's hind-end!" He was not professional, nor a gentleman and obviously incompetent. The snot-nosed punk was there to teach, which clearly he was incapable of doing on even the most rudimentary level. Someone, somewhere, will take him down a peg or two.

    I agree with your readers - you are a beautiful woman with beautiful style.

  17. What an ass! Please don't listen to him. You are so beautiful! Each outfit that you post is so lovely as well!

  18. Wow what a JERK!!!! You are beautiful and he's just a superficial idiot who can't see past his own inflated ego!

    Love the outfit--I love leopard and red together for some reason!

  19. what an ignorant dipsh7t. I agree with Megan Mae: "I wish I had been there, I would have bitched him out good." And i agree that you should report him - one for being rude and disrespectful, two because he obviously knows fu3kall about photography.

    Guess what, mr. big time fashion photographer - there are certain things that the camera likes and certain things the camera doesn't. Any twerp who photographs a photogenic person and thinks that they're some skilled photog because they look good is an ass.

    Please. even i know enough to be able to discuss your hair fading into the background - change the background itself, your pose, the lighting angles....but no, then he has no excuse to get some poor girl's phone number 'So i can send you the pictures'.

    pfft, it's not your problem he can't get a date the normal way.

    btw, your photos here look great! nice contrast, detail and color. & your outfit is so fun - i love the metallic blue against the leopard! i for one say go for the cobalt jeans! steph

  20. There is no challenge photographing the young and beautiful. If this guy didn't bring out your inner beauty in his photo, then he is a no-talent hack who shouldn't be allowed to work at the 1 hour photo, let alone teach a course.

    I hope you got your money back!

  21. Dear Debby,
    that photographer was an idiot. You - or the women of that class, I don't understand why they didn't rise like ONE person and left the room - should have given him a piece of your mind. If you do that you need not be vulgar (so you still stay a Lady) - but I think he should not get away with that. Complain to his chef - or, if there isn't any, write a little story for your newspaper.
    Our famous dear old poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote:
    "To be polite to such a pack? You won't sew with silk a coarse sack" (Well, my translation - pack meaning 'lowlife', and sack = bag).
    I think one has to choose one's means - those rude people like the photographer don't understand finesse.

  22. I know exactly how you feel because I have never been a beauty queen myself and aging (I'm 43) feels like betrayal. You are right about character and experience. It is a sad thing that there is a pecking order as far as physical attractiveness is concerned. It does go both ways though. Sometimes beautiful people are hated for the beauty they possess. It sort of comes down to this, if you feel good in a situation, LEAVE. Let everyone eat your dust because you have better things to do than hang out with losers.

  23. That's infuriating - and typical at the same time. I've been thinking about this a lot lately: do clothes make people look pretty, or do people make clothes look pretty? More often than not, the alluring items we see on models are alluring precisely because a beautiful (or special, or mysterious, or attractive in whatever way) woman is wearing them. Making a piece of garment look good on a toned body is not that difficult. I guess it's the same with photography: pictures from pretty people are, in a way, easier, because it's the beauty of the subject that renders the photograph its beauty. That photographer sounds like an utter nitwit, and he's clearly not very professional.

    I think you look original and amazing. Don't let this get you down!

  24. I love you, you are beautiful, take pride in how you look and you a kind person. I would have cried, but I am a wimp. I admire your style, and even though I haven't posted lately, I am here. The guy was beyond rude... please don't let him bother you if you can help it, he is not worth the time and energy. BTW now that I see the colored jeans on you, I am going to search for some. xo

  25. Oh no, so sorry to hear about such a negative experience! But you just keep rockin on! You look fabulous! I love, love those red pants...and paired with leopard shoes! Perfect!

  26. I'd be tempted to send him a note and tell him exactly how you feel...I hope you still continue with your photography tho...just maybe not with him.
    You could also send a letter to whoever is holding the classes. If he gets enough negative letters, he wont be teaching anymore. And he doesnt deserve to!

  27. Debbi, I'm so sorry that he treated you that way. I would have left the class rather than deal with that. It doesn't sound like he was very knowledgeable. By looking for the young model and making such a big deal about the models he's photographed, all he did was demonstrate his own insecurities and that he bases his own value on those around him and impressing others. Don't let it get to you. You *are* beautiful and definitely capable of being a model for the class. I love reading your blog and I know there are many more of us out here so don't let people like him get you down.

  28. Sometimes I wonder if the fashion industry breeds people like this. I like "Project Runway," but any time the designers are forced to design for regular people, my blood boils. Their reactions to real, NORMAL humans are so obnoxious, and you can practically hear the eyerolls. But I'll bet this guy doesn't even REALLY work for the fashion industry, does he? (Poser!) He was the only ugly one in the room.

  29. I've known Debbi for years and can promise you she's a beautiful, sweet, loving, and caring person. Too bad I wasn't there when this happened. That clown would have been making some apologies. Sorry Deb, but knowing you, I hated to hear about this.


  30. People who brag about their value are very uncertain of it. That says it all.The world is full of empty headed people, but of gorgeous ones too. I am only interesting in the second. I would have left inmediately, having no time for nuisance.
    You are gorgeous inside and out!!!

  31. Debi Debi Debi,How can you think you are anything but cute and charming. I love your blog and you are very photogenic.. When people shock us with their blatant diregard of our feelings it usually makes us freeze inside and not do anything in the moment.
    I was at a Christmas party last year and the photographer had taken a shot of myself and another guest. He smiled and told HER you are so beautiful then he looked at me and said nothing. I was ticked off and I said nothing. So this year I was going to the same party and hoping I saw that photographer cause I was going to tell him off. Guess what he had been so rude to everyone last year that he had been reported to the company and fired. Now looking back I'm glad I did nothing and mad at myself for letting his opinion get to me.
    With that said if I had been in that class I would have ordered pizza(on my cell phone) to be delivered and told him he had to pay for it when the guy came because of making us indure his bad teaching.

  32. I'm sorry this workshop was not helpful, and in fact caused you some sadness. It's great that you're going out and learning new skills and volunteering to put yourself out there. I hate to hear that your feelings were hurt by someone who at best is just insensitive and doesn't understand and at worst is a big jerk.

  33. It's a good idea that you complained for this unprofessional behavior. but do try again and follow some kind of course if you still want to.

  34. I'm sorry you had to experience the rudeness of the so called photographer teacher. He has nothing to teach you. Thin pretty things are easy to photograph- the challenge would be to show how to take a good picture, NOT a good picture of a young woman. I hope you realize how tough you are, and even by feeling insulted by the insensitivity of the teacher doesn't prevent you from getting in front of and behind the camera. FUCK them. I hope you realize that you can still throw down a fashion statement even if you aren't 16, a size 0 and a dead ringer for Kate Moss.

    By the way, I love those red jeans on you. The whole outfit is a charmer. As are you. Keep rocking it, lady. xo. the Citizen Rosebud

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  36. He was obviously not a very talented photographer, and he was obviously a very tactless man. :(I don't know you in person, but I think you are lovely on the outside, and on the inside too. <3

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